“Why can’t everyone else be like us?”. This is a question I am sure many of us will have posed at some point or other.
During a recent visit to a lady I have known for a while, she was telling me how let down she felt by the recent behaviour of a few clients.
This was not her being indiscreet, as I have no idea about whom she was talking and she was merely confiding in me. The reason she was doing so is because we have always enjoyed a privileged relationship where we share a mutual and absolute respect and trust of one and another and we often confide in one and another about good or bad experiences and life in general.
After a long discussion, we concluded we both probably expect a lot as we always aim to treat people well. Probably, in truth, though we expect too much, as we are often disappointed when not our expectations are not met.
Does this make us wrong? Or are our expectations simply too great?
On both counts I would have to say no, as I do not believe it is wrong to expect kindness to be reciprocated and to hope to be treated as I treat others. Of course, where we are wrong is to evaluate others by our own value system.
This may sound like a contradiction, but I do believe we have a point. What I mean is one can expect others to treat one well, if one has been unconditional in one’s treatment of someone else. However, one must also accept, the flip side of this is other people do not have the same value systems as ourselves or even know what our values are.
To have great expectations is not wrong, but one needs to add a large degree of realism too!
My friend shared several incidents of late where clients, both new and long-standing, had shown anything other than a full and decent degree of respect for her. Knowing her as I do and what a genuine and kind-hearted lady she is, I could not only fully appreciate her pain and upset, I could empathise from when I had suffered similar hurts.
I suppose, too, the degree one feels let down depends on the perceived transgression one has faced. However, is it not true, if we have ever acted foolishly, our level of upset can be as much with ourself for allowing ourselves to be taken advantage of, as it is for the hurt its self.
My friend felt several clients had abused her trust and confidence, which I can understand is disappointing when it is from existing clients she knew well. However, and I have been equally guilty here, when one does not know the other party well, there is a degree of culpability if one is maybe too open and lowers one’s barriers either too soon or too readily.
I know I have made plenty of howlers, some of them toe-curlingly cringe-making! Some were made worth by having repeated previous mistakes, again…….and again! What is the definition of insanity?! However, my naivety was only ever down to good intentions and we all make mistakes and errors of judgement, don’t we?
In the past been accused of being unrealistic and for expecting too much, but is this true?
To make mistakes is only human and to expect otherwise is unrealistic. What is within our control is our reaction to the lessons we learn along the way and in response to the sand being kicked in our face.
A totally understandable reaction would be to become hardened or even bitter or to lower one’s expectations of others. Equally, another response would be to quit something which has irked us.
Essentially, there are numerous potential responses to any given situation and the type of response will largely depend on our own personality and how life has influenced us, good or badly.
An interesting footnote to the conversation I had with this lady is her advice to me when we have had the same conversation when I have been less than enamoured with various incidents. In short, she said there is nothing wrong in my approach, but one has to accept there are “sharks” out there. One does not need to change one’s approach, but we need to learn to swim with the sharks.
If it is not wrong to have great expectations then, should we not expect to encounter a few Great Whites?!
One final point I would make though, would we really want everyone else to be just like us? I know with my copious faults, it is probably just as well there is such a variance in people!