Despite the fact there is nothing fundamentally “wrong” with having sex, few of us probably enjoy being caught in the act! Whether this is a basic human fear, a level of prudishness or just embarrassment, the fact is most of us would like our private times to stay exactly that.
In this post, I shall reminisce on a few times when nearly been caught out……….as well as those occasions when there have suddenly been unwelcome eyes!
Perks of the trade(sman)!
Indeed this article was prompted by a lady I know on Twitter who told me about a close call with her window cleaner. How she described it was hilarious and almost like a scene from “Confessions of a window cleaner”!
It reminded me of an occasion a couple of years ago when I visited a lady to find her building was bedecked with scaffolding. It was all quiet on that particular day, with no signs of any work going on. However, when we retired to her room, I suggested we took the normally unnecessary step of drawing the blinds (her apartment was five floors up with no overlooking buildings). However, she laughed and said there had not been anyone working there for days, so we decided to leave the status quo. Now, exactly why that day and time had to be the full site visit is beyond me, but after a mere half an hour of naked frolics, we heard a lot of footsteps and talking. We froze and looked out only to see about six pairs of feet level with the top of the window! Thank goodness they had started on the floor above, or their eyes would have been in for a treat!
Ever the chivalrous gent, I rushed over to pull the blind down only to see one lady staring down! I am sure it was not what she had hoped her eyes would have been feasting on and I still do not know why I did it, but I put on a beaming smile and waved! She smiled rather nervously and instinctively waved too! I pulled the blind down before the rest of the posse could join in!
Inhibition-free zone!
When I was regularly visiting a Brazilian lady in Victoria, her lady flatmates would often walk in to get things! There would be no creeping in silently! Oh no, the door would open, there would be an “Ola ” or “Bom dia” and in came the lady! I soon picked up a few Portuguese greetings and learned the meaning of “ele é quente!”
However, as they were not in the slightest bit bothered by the naked form or my attentions to this lady, I thought “when in Rio”…..!
Comm’n feel the noise!
There is one lady I knew for a while, who was, well, shall we say, somewhat vocal in the sack!
Every time we met in a hotel, I was slightly conscious of the volume, as there was neither any doubt as to what we were up to nor exactly what I was doing to her. It was like having John Motson giving a very audible and animated commentary on bedroom sport! Even turning the telly on did not seem to drown it out, as she raised her own decibel output to compensate!
On one occasion, I could her the cleaners in the corridor having a good old laugh and I understood their mother tongue well enough to follow their speculation on events on the other side of the door!
Hotel Babylon
Probably the majority of my close calls have occurred in hotels, as this is the most likely place where outsiders will be.
I have had other guests trying to gain access to the room, either due to being enumerate or due to a mistake by reception.
Not a sight for sore eyes!
However, the most common intruders are staff. I fear I may have traumatised a fair few of London’s chamber maids who have walked in!
Although the rooms are always booked by the lady, as a matter of etiquette, I now always ensure the door is locked and the “Attention! We’re having rampant sex! Piss off and leave us alone” sign is clearly visible! (Ok, I admit, I made that sign up!)
If you have read my “Bed of Roses” post , you will recall one occasion when I was disturbed whilst with another lady.
Another occasion, although not in a hotel, was when a lady’s landlord walked in as he said her boiler needed servicing. My reply “I’m already doing that!” seemed to lose something in translation, but we were in hysterics! He came back later and, by all accounts, learned to knock a bit more loudly! See, all part of my public service function! He had learnt! Heaven knows what else he might have seen otherwise.
Whilst I have made light of these events in this post, I do prefer to maintain a certain decorum, least of all so it does not reflect badly on the lady or cause her any problems. However, things do happen and sometimes all one can do is to smile and wave!